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STEEL PANTHER On The Prowl

By Terry Martinson, Contributor
Friday, March 17, 2023 @ 10:30 AM


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STEEL PANTHER
On The Prowl

Steel Panther Inc




I LOVE STEEL PANTHER!
Ahem, I umm, well, I, I mean I really, really, really, really care about (you) STEEL PANTHER...

For those un-inclined to the wealth of brilliance and information out on the ole' interwebs with regards to the hard rockin', glam metal band that is now STEEL PANTHER, here is a little trip down memory lane. STEEL PANTHER began a long, long time ago, circa 2000, calling themselves METAL SHOP and the band self-released Hole Patrol, a dandy of an LP. They appeared as a fictitious band called DANGER KITTY performing and releasing a nifty little single entitled "Love Rocket" 83' for a Discover Card advert in the theme of a then quite popular VH1 standard "Where Are They Now?" skit. The band then changed their name to METAL SKOOL, re-releasing their debut and dropping the epic "Metal Shop" title track for the cover of the Ian Hunter anthem "Cleveland Rocks". Fast forward a couple years and literally a million live performances being THE band to see and be seen with in La La Land. Their live performances are epic and the band is so ridiculously talented and can literally play any 80's song you can name and do so dare I say better than the song's creators. The band turned the page, re-invented themselves with another name change to STEEL PANTHER, dropped their "debut" long play Feel The Steel and then took over the known free world. SP went on to release 5 more long plays and now an appropriately titled LP 6, On The Prowl, which does not deviate from the standard that is STEEL PANTHER. It is absolutely noteworthy and very important to say that no matter the band calls themselves, STEEL PANTHER has held true to their very limited morals and have released hands down, bar none, beyond a shadow of a doubt the most filthy, filter free, NON PC, make a sailor blush music, videos, etc the world will ever know and I for one am as giddy as a school girl for that and I can't snatch (he he) it all up lickity split, like the eternal 15 year old that I am.

The band has consisted of the same 4 beautiful minds, singer Mike Starr, guitarist Satchel, drummer Stix Zadinia and bassist Lexxi, who was replaced recently by newest member bassist Spyder who debuts, impressively, on the On The Prowl release. It is certainly noteworthy that these fellas are musicians that ooze talent. Also, they have been studio caliper musicians since the real 80's, not always using their current SP monikers (but that is a rabbit hole for you the reader to go burrowing into). And I'm not gonna lie as I invoke and paraphrase (1 day shy of the 32 years to the day of his passing) the late great "Godfather of Rock n Roll" Bill Gazzarri in saying, "they are sexy, sexy guys".

On The Prowl starts off with an absolute pair of barn burning hard rock numbers in "Never Too Late (To Get Pu$$y Tonight)" and "Friends With Benefits" which shouldn't be too difficult to decipher the hidden messages within, "Never Too Late" being a near perfect album opener that will have you air-guitaring, head bobbing and being floored by the number of differing terms of endearment the boys in STEEL PANTHER have included herein when referring to that vertical smile BLACKFOOT sang about all those years ago. "Friends.." is a DOKKEN hard rock banger that is so dastardly amazing it should be criminal (and the video, oh dear). "On Your Instagram" details the woes of online dating and how some may not be as they seem in the filtered world of social media, catfish just isn't the best fish on a po'boy. "Put My Money Where Your Mouth Is" keeps on keeping on with the hard rock tongue in cheek humorous sexual innuendo detailing all the uses of Mr. Starr's companions, his "money" and what said companions can do with it. "1987" is an arena rockin' anthem for Gen X'ers and is as close to playing it straight as STEEL PANTHER has ventured. This song should take you back to that time when (and still is in our minds) of greatness. The line "1987, I never want to leave you. When you told me I was in my prime, why didn't I believe you" hits hard. "1987" is a damn good song. "Teleporter" is another uptempo rocker that details all those not so memorable moments where one gets caught with their hand in the cookie jar and the ode is asking for a rapid fire way out of the situation. "Is My Dick Enough" shouldn't necessitate a Davinci Code to decipher the intent, it is another hard rocking anthem with an opening very akin to the epic VAN HALEN number "Jamie's Cryin'", which makes the utmost of sense considering some members' origins and since this song includes the guitarist extraordinaire, the maestro and the aficionado of the frets, Mr. Dweezil Zappa. The song includes arguably one of my favorite lines on the album, "You tell me I'm the only one on planet earth. But I've seen baby carrots with a lot more circumference". I know right, caught you sleeping didn't it.

"Magical Vagina" begins rather quietly with some keys and an almost modern trilling vibe, BUT lyrical content that pays the utmost homage throughout to the place we spent 9 months exiting and our entire life trying to get right back in. "All That And More" is another hard rocker with a tasty little sleaze overlay that details the author's Richard and how truly enlightening and amazing, or "All That And More" it is. The ending is certainly noteworthy. "One Pump Chump", although a little cryptic, you should be able to decipher the intent, but in case you are a little lost here is a snippet from the chorus, "I'm a one pump chump". "Pornstar" is a lovely cigarette lighter love song where the band details their love of their damaged gal pal and how they see her as the "Pornstar" she could have been, maybe not in the most flattering of terms one doesn't have to assume. Another line of lines showcasing STEEL PANTHER's absolute lack of wokeness is herein and is as follows, "If Harvey Weinstein was still free, he wouldn't care if you resisted. If the Pope could watch you pray, I'm pretty sure that he would jack. I've done that while you sleep at night and dropped a load right on your baaaaack!"... I don't care who you are, that's funny right there. "Ain't Dead Yet" is track 2 in my current favorites from On The Prowl. It is a low key, acoustic guitar and vocal driven ballad of sorts detailing the long hard life of the rock star, his escapades and his current still worthwhile status even though he is getting long in the tooth. Like "1987" this one although ridiculously humorous and well written, tugs on the ole heartstrings, if we had a heart that is. "Sleeping On The Rollaway" closes the album with a hard rockin ' tale of straying and how one's actions will get you banished to "Sleeping On The Rollaway". Just remember, 'Eatin' Ain't Cheatin'.

There should be no disputing, stop your internal dialogue, your wrong get over it, that STEEL PANTHER and everything they create is pure gold. The band is talent personified. Every note, lyric, key change, fill, trill and reference is more powerful than you can ever imagine. I tried (and failed) throughout my review not to detail or give away too many of the countless easter eggs and amazingly humorous lyrical content that is prevalent throughout On The Prowl. You will and should buy it, and spin it a zillion times over and over on an endless repeat, gathering your wits about you, recognizing the sheer magnitude of the genius that is STEEL PANTHER and how they take what seems to be a schlocky ,"no brained", vulgar, uninspired hair metal aesthetic and absolutely laid waste to the listeners preconceived mindset, inhibitions and their moral fiber. On The Prowl is that good and shouldn't be trifled with or denied its place in your frontal cortex. Every spin of this delicious silver platter providing another and another and another, ad nauseam, aural discoveries you've never experienced or as the albums hype sticker details perfectly and prophetically, "13 Bitchin' new songs guaranteed* to get you laid, supercharge your party & make you laugh. *totally not guaranteed, but it might help!"

5.0 Out Of 5.0

https://steelpantherrocks.com/collections/


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