Welcome to the LOUDEST DOT COM ON THE PLANET!
KNAC.COM News Reviews and More Watch The Latest Videos Buy KNAC T-shirts and More


GWAR's Manager Sleazy P. Martini Issues Statement About GWAR Eternal Tour

By Larry Petro, News Monkey
Wednesday, October 15, 2014 @ 2:19 PM


Tour Begins Tonight In Norfolk, VA

- advertisement -

- advertisement -
Toodles, ya parasitic bohabs. It's me, Sleazy P Martini. As you may already know, GWAR will be out on the GWAR Eternal Tour starting tonight because Thai ladyboys don't pay for themselves. You smarter Bohabs have probably even noticed that GWAR has undergone a lineup change.

The reason for this is the absence of Oderus Urungus due to his return to space. First of all, let's clear something up: Oderus is not dead! Nor is GWAR. Now, admittedly things will be different. For instance, with Oderus's absence, touring expenses will be scaled back considerably as crack usage by the band will drop by over nine tons a day. To which I, the CIA and the Medellin Cartel respond with a collective: "Phew!" Now all those drug mules crossing the border can use the extra butt space for more important things such as food, water and more relatives.

Of course, there are many in the scene (code for no-talents) who say that with Oderus out of the band, GWAR should hang it up. To which I must respond: If I wanted your opinion, I would just knock you unconscious and urinate on your face. Which wouldn't elicit much of an opinion at all - just the way I like it. You see, GWAR is a perpetual and unstoppable force. If I tried to retire them, I most certainly would end up flayed, shredded, pulled and served with coleslaw and fries to Gor-Gor. One who is a lion tamer cannot suddenly decide to stop and ask his lions to become house cats. And GWAR's lust for human carnage cannot properly be met in semi-retirement on the talk-show circuit. So the shows must go on. And they have, starting with Riot Fest in Chicago. The GWAR Eternal Tour starts tonight in Norfolk, VA. and goes through December 13th in Baltimore, MD

Now, there are some who would say, "How can you find a lead singer as talented as Oderus Urungus?" To which I have responded by having famed archeologist Dr. Richard Leaky travel to Antarctica to dig up another immortal Scumdog. According to Dr. Dick, these furballs are stacked up in GWAR's fortress basement like chicken pot pies four for a buck. In fact, I have already thawed out one promising prospect named Blóthar. While not as talented a singer as most primates, he's definitely better than Justin Bieber or the entire ONE DIRECTION line up.

So, in response to all you haters who would give your left nut to see GWAR finally call it quits, you can go ahead and keep your left nut and hang it from your nose-ring for another 30 years, because GWAR AIN'T GOING NOWHERE! And though you may think GWAR sucks, remember that GWAR is immortal. So, long after your lame hipster ass is in the ground being used as a luxury condo by worms, maggots and pill bugs, GWAR will still be alive, sucking forever.

GWAR W/ DECAPITATED and AMERICAN SHARKS:

  • 10/15: Norfolk, VA @ The Norva
  • 10/16: Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
  • 10/17: Stroudsburg, PA @ Sherman Theater
  • 10/18: Worcester, MA @ The Palladium - "Rock and Shock Festival"
  • 10/19: Buffalo, NY @ The Town Ballroom
  • 10/21: Louisville, KY @ Expo Five****
  • 10/22: Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theater
  • 10/23: Dallas, TX @ Gas Monkey Live
  • 10/24: New Orleans, LA @ House of Blues
  • 10/25: Austin, TX @ Emo's - "Housecore Horror Film Festival*
  • 10/26: Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live
  • 10/28: Oklahoma City, OK @ Diamond Ballroom
  • 10/29: Sauget, IL @ Pop's Nightclub
  • 10/30: Lawrence, KS @ Granada Theater
  • 10/31: Denver, CO @ The Summit Music Hall**
  • 11/1: Albuquerque, NM @ Sunshine Theater
  • 11/2: Tempe, AZ @ The Marquee
  • 11/3: Santa Ana, CA @ The Observatory
  • 11/4: Reno, NV @ Knitting Factory Concert House
  • 11/5: San Francisco, CA @ The Regency Ballroom
  • 11/6: Hollywood, CA @ House of Blues
  • 11/7: Las Vegas, NV @ Hard Rock Live
  • 11/8: Magna, UT @ The Great Salt Air
  • 11/10: Boise, ID @ Knitting Factory Concert House
  • 11/11: Portland, OR @ Roseland Theater
  • 11/12: Seattle, WA @ Showbox SODO
GWAR W/ TBA and AMERICAN SHARKS:
  • 11/14: Vancouver, BC and Commodore Ballroom
GWAR W/ CORROSION OF CONFORMITY and
AMERICAN SHARKS:
  • 11/15: Spokane, WA @ Knitting Factory Concert House
  • 11/16: Calgary, AB @ MacEwan Hall Ballroom
  • 11/17: Edmonton, AB @ Union Hall
  • 11/19: Fargo, ND @ The Venue
  • 11/20: Minneapolis, MN @ Skyway Theater
  • 11/21: Milwaukee, WI @ The Rave
  • 11/22: Detroit, MI @ Harpo's
  • 11/23: Grand Rapids, MI @ The Intersection***
  • 11/25: Indianapolis, IN @ The Vogue
  • 11/26: Cleveland, OH @ House of Blues
  • 11/28: Charlotte, NC @ Tremont Music Hall
  • 11/29: Philadelphia, PA @ Electric Factory
  • 11/30: New York, NY @ Irving Plaza
  • 12/2: Nashville, TN @ Exit/In
  • 12/3: Asheville, NC @ The Orange Peel
  • 12/4: Pensacola, FL @ Venue 578
  • 12/5: Orlando, FL @ Firestone Live
  • 12/6: Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade
  • 12/7: Columbus, OH @ Newport Music Hall
  • 12/8: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Smalls Theater
  • 12/9: Toronto, ON @ Opera House
  • 12/10: Montreal, QC @ Virgin Mobile Corona Theater
  • 12/11: Clifton Park, NY @ Upstate Concert Hall
  • 12/12: New Haven, CT @ Toad's Place
  • 12/13: Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Sound Stage
* - No AMERICAN SHARKS
** - HAVOK plays on this show
*** - THE MEATMEN play on this show
**** - HUNTRESS plays on this show


Back to Top

 

 

 Recent News
Official, Special, Limited Edition, KNAC Heritage Item On Sale Now!
BREAKING: SKID ROW, ERIK GRONWALL Amicably Part Ways
YES Unveil Talk 30th Anniversary Deluxe Box Set Edition
SAUL Release "More Of The Same" With New Video
RON KEEL BAND Drops New Single, "Hard On The Outside (Heart On The Inside)"
TROLLFEST Release 20 Years In The Wrong Lane Compilation Album
THE BLACK MOODS Share New Single, Video For "Heaven"
DAUGHTRY Shares New Single "Pieces"
WEEDEATER Announce Spring US Tour
WAGE WAR Unleash "Magnetic" Video
PUSCIFER, A PERFECT CIRCLE, PRIMUS Announce The Sessanta E.P.P.P.
KUARANTINE, Featuring CHRIS JERICHO, Drop New KISS Cover Of "Good Girl Gone Bad"
BILLY MORRISON, STEVE STEVENS, OZZY OSBOURNE Join Forces For New Track, "Crack Cocaine"
VISIONS OF ATLANTIS Ready New Album, Pirates II - Armada
HIGH ON FIRE Announces U.S. Headlining Tour Dates
SIX BY SIX (Featuring IAN CREICHTON, NIGEL GLOCKLER & ROBERT BERRY) Launch New Video For "Obiliex"
Bay Area Legends FORBIDDEN Announce First Annual OmegAfest
THE MELVINS Stream New Track "Allergic To Food"
HATEBREED Announce 30th Anniversary North American Headline Tour
SONIC UNIVERSE, Featuring COREY GLOVER (LIVING COLOUR) + MIKE ORLANDO (ADRENALINE MOB), Release Video For "Higher"
UNLEASH THE ARCHERS Drop "Ghosts In The Mist" Performance Video
KANSAS Extends Their 50th Anniversary Tour By Adding Third Leg
MOB RULES Release Cover Of IRON MAIDEN's "Run To The Hills"
A DAY TO REMEMBER Announce Summer 2024 'The Least Anticipated Album Tour'
MY DYING BRIDE Share "The 2nd of Three Bells" Video
PENTAGRAM Announces Three U.S. Performances
ABORTED Unleash "Condemned To Rot (feat. Francesco Paoli)" Video
THE DEAD DAISIES Announce U.S. Dates, New Drummer
SCOTT STAPP Drops Duet Video With DOROTHY For "If These Walls Could Talk"
NEW HORIZON Unveils New Album Conquerors
LIVING DEAD GIRL Share New Single "Ugly"
DRAGONFORCE Unleash New Video "Burning Heart"
NORTHLANE Announce Summer 2024 North American Headline Tour
JOE SATRIANI, STEVE VAI To Release New Music Together For The First Time
MANIC EDEN Self-Titled Album Set For Re-Release, Available On Vinyl For First Time
COMBUSTION 96 Premieres "On the Line" Video
SEBASTIAN BACH Reveals New Album Child Within The Man
MESSER Drops New Video For "Throw it Away"
DARKTHRONE Ready New Album It Beckons Us All
VENDED Reveal New Single/Video, "The Far Side"
SIX FEET UNDER Return With New Album Killing For Revenge
SLASH Announces S.E.R P.E.N.T. Festival-Solidarity, Engagement, Restore, Peace, Equality N' Tolerance
THE TREATMENT Unveil New Album Wake Up The Neighbourhood
LEE AARON Reveals First Video From Covers Album For "Tattoo"
EVILDEAD Ready New Album Toxic Grace
MARKO HIETALA, TARJA TURUNEN Join For Duet Single, Video "Left On Mars"
CRYSTAL VIPER Return With New Album The Silver Key
BLUE OYSTER CULT Share New Video For "Don't Come Running To Me"
DARKEST HOUR Unveil 'Perpetual | Terminale' Beer Collaboration With DC Brau
Stadium Rockers KISSIN' DYNAMITE Are Back With A Bang With New Album
VESPERIAN SORROW Share New Song, "They Beheld The Chainbreaker's Crowning Defiance"
Guitar Virtuoso MARTY FRIEDMAN Announces New Album Drama
VEXED Releases Official Video For "It's Not The End"
Rock Supergroup BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION Reveal New Album V
SOIL Announce European Festival, Headline Tour
French Metal Pioneers NIGHTMARE Return With New Album, Encrypted
BARONESS To Take 'Sweet Oblivion Tour' To Europe
SLASH Set For Sixth Solo Album, A Blues-Infused Orgy Of The Damned
TYR Gets "Hammered" In New Music Video, Single
PAIN Reveal New Album I Am
KURT DEIMER Unveils New Video For "Dance"
MOB RULES Set To Release Compilation Album, Celebration Day - 30 Years Of Mob Rules
ROCK THE LOCKS Music Festival Announces 2024 Band Lineup
FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH Announce Summer Headlining U.S. Tour
STORMBORN Unleashes New Video For "Serpentine"
THE WARNING Ready New Album Keep Me Fed
CKY Announce Spring 2024 Headline Tour
SETYOURSAILS Shares New Video For "Lately"
FLESHGOD APOCALYPSE Returns With New Single "Pendulum"
KICKIN VALENTINA Launch New Single For "Ride Or Die"
INTERVALS Set For New Album Memory Palace
THE NATIVE HOWL Release New Single, Video For "Mercy" Featuring LZZY HALE
SEVEN SPIRES Return With New Album, A Fortress Called Home
PRONG Honor RUSH With Cover Of "Working Man"
LIKE MOTHS TO FLAMES Return With New Studio Album The Cycles Of Trying To Cope
ALPHA WOLF Share New Video For "Whenever You're Ready"
JINJER Announces First Official Live DVD/Blu-Ray, Live In Los Angeles
KK'S PRIEST Unleash "Keeper Of The Graves" Video
CROWNSHIFT Drop New Video For "A World Beyond Reach"
THE GEMS Share New Video For "Queens"
DARK TRANQUILLITY Unveil New Album Endtime Signals
THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER Return To Europe For First Time Since 2019
DANKO JONES Shares Previously Unreleased Electric Sounds Bonus Track, "Waiting For You" Titled "Waiting For You"
BLIND CHANNEL Drop New Album Exit Emotions
BARONESS, RED FANG Unite For First-Ever Joint U.S. Tour Dates
ANGELS OF BABYLON Release 3rd Album Aquarius
ECLIPSE Unleashes New Video For "Apocalypse Blues"
BLACKTOP MOJO Return New Single "As The Light Fades"
AXEL RUDI PELL Unveils New Album Risen Symbol
I PREVAIL, HALESTORM Join For 2024 Summer Co-Headline Tour
BURNING WITCHES Honor OZZY Osbourne With Video For Cover Of "Shot In The Dark"
RAGE Share New Single "Cold Desire"
RHAPSODY OF FIRE Ready New Album Challenge The Wind
MILWAUKEE METAL FEST 2024 Adds DORO, ROSS THE BOSS And ATHEIST To Lineup
ATTILA Unleash New Single For "Timebomb"
CAPULET FEST Reveal Intital Bands For 2024 Edition
JUDAS PRIEST Set For Global Album Listening Parties For Invincible Shield
ARCHSPIRE Announce 2024 North American 'The Everything's F#*!@D Tour'
LORDS OF SALEM Release New Single "Eternal Love"
SEBASTIAN BACH Announces 2024 "What Do I Got To Lose Tour"
WHOM GODS DESTROY Launch New Single, Video For "Crawl"
2024 ROCK FOR RONNIE Benefit Concert Announced
SOIL Announce 2024 UK Headline Tour
ACCEPT Share New Album Title Track Video For "Humanoid"
DEF LEPPARD Celebrates 40th Anniversary Of Pyromania With Deluxe Expanded Edition
ABBATH Announces First North American Tour In Five Years
WHITECROSS Return With New Album Fear No Evil
SLAUGHTER TO PREVAIL Unleash Brutal New Video For "Conflict"
AS I LAY DYING Announce U.S. Summer 2024 Tour
FROM ASHES TO NEW Announce U.S. Headline "The Blackout Tour Pt. 2"
DEATH DEALER UNION Drops "Beyond Heaven" Video
ULI JON ROTH Returns To North America This Spring For Tour
HELL'S HEROES FESTIVAL Announces Daily Schedules, Set Times For 2024
P.O.D. Announce 2024 Headline "I Got That" Tour
APOCALYPTICA Announce New METALLICA Tribute Album, Apocalyptica Plays Metallica Vol. 2
THE ARSON CHOIR Drop "Ravenous" New Video
FREEDOM CALL Unveil New Album Silver Romance
NONPOINT Announces 'The Million Watts Tour 2024'
DIRTY HONEY Releases New Video For "Coming Home (Ballad Of The Shire)"
IMMINENCE Reveal New Album The Black
AFTERSHOCK Festival Reveals 2024 Band Lineups
AMARANTHE Release New Album Title Track Video For "The Catalyst"
KILLINGTON PIT Share JUDAS PRIEST Cover Video For "Riding On The Wind"
AUGUST BURNS RED Announce 2024 'Spring Fling' Tour
Former NIGHTWISH Vocalist ANETTE OLZON Announces Third Solo Album Rapture
JUDAS PRIEST Stream New Track "The Serpent And The King"
PRAYING MANTIS Return With New Album Defiance
DEICIDE Announced As A Headliner For Decibel Magazine Metal & Beer Fest
SHIPROCKED Sets Dates For 2025 Cruise
EXHUMED Guitarist MATT HARVEY Releases New Solo EP Toward The Cold Light
ACE FREHLEY Drops New Video For "Cherry Medicine"
VANDEN PLAS Unveil New Album Details For The Empyrean Equation Of The Long Lost Things
GATECREEPER Launch Video For "Caught In The Treads"
HIGH ON FIRE Ready New Album Cometh The Storm
ROTTING CHRIST Release "Like Father, Like Son" Video
IAN HUNTER Returns With Defiance Part 2: Fiction Album
VENREZ Drop New Video For "Sip The Cup"
TESLA Set To Release Real To Reel Vol I Album As Double LP For Record Store Day
BOUNDARIES Announce U.S. Headline Tour Dates
Symphonic Metal Diva LEAH Releases New Album The Glory And The Fallen
SAUL Announce Spring 2024 Headline Tour Dates
THE ELECTRIC HIGHWAY FESTIVAL Announces 2024 Lineup
APOGEAN Launches Music Video For "Bluelight Sonata"
MAD WITH POWER VII Festival Reveals Final 2024 Band Lineup
1349 Announce North American Tour
BLOODBOUND Announce Anniversary Live Album, Blu-Ray, The Tales of Nosferatu - Two Decades of Blood (2004 - 2024)
ABORTED Unleash "Dreadbringer (Feat. Ben Duerr)" Visualizer Video
Guitarist STEVE CONTE (NEW YORK DOLLS, MICHAEL MONROE) Readies New Album The Concrete Jangle
SUICIDAL ANGELS Stream New Single "Virtues Of Destruction"
PIG DESTROYER Announce April East Coast Headline Run
BLAZE BAYLEY Releases "Mind Reader" Video
SUPAFLY, Featuring RAY WEST Of SPREAD EAGLE, Announce Record Release Party
CLASSLESS ACT Release "Toxic" BRITNEY SPEARS Cover Video
KAMELOT Continues The 'Awaken The World Tour' 2024 In Europe This October
DRAGONFORCE Share TAYLOR SWIFT Cover Video Of "Wildest Dreams"
LOUDER THAN LIFE Festival Celebrates 10 Years With The Return Of SLAYER!



HOME | MAGAZINE | VIDS | STORE | HELP/POLICIES

©2024 KNAC.COM. All Rights Reserved.    Link to us    Advertise with us    Privacy policy
 Latest News